things i made as a kid. they all give me nostalgy flashbacks.
these are generally my writing that are often funnier than things i make now, they are often incorrectly written, i can start writing about something else in the middle of the sentence + it's probably less funnier when translated to English, so i'll just quote something without of translating the entire text. and i'm too lazy to rewrite physical oryginals (yes, i wrote them on paper) to even translate it.
before any questions i need to say that it's nostalgy because... well, for me it's nostalgic. and i could not find a better title for this archive.
Oh yeah... Did the Mayan civilization inspire another artist? Not really. I heard that the Mayans supposedly had some kind of treasure, so I used that as a "better" title. In reality, this book has about as much to do with the Mayan civilization as a book has to do with rice.
Anyways, "Skarb majów" (Google Translate says it's in English "Mayan Treasure") is my longest book so far. Unhappy with the complicated end that makes absolutely no sense, it was also an inspiration for my next books I tried to make (but I was too lazy to finish them). Basically, there were these archaeologists from another world (I had to somehow justify the mountain's absurd height), a son and father, who found a living dinosaur defending something. They found some note telling them to go to restricted zone number whatever. So they flew to the ruler of the world (yes, such a figure really existed) and asked for access to the restricted zone. He, completely oblivious to the fact that it was a restricted zone, gave them these ridiculous papers to enter, as if it were some kind of gift, not a serious matter. There, they found a note saying they had to climb a mountain 579,346,593,847 kilometers (yes, kilometers). And as if it were some ridiculous Gubałówka mountain at 1,243 meters above sea level, they started climbing it. And they encountered people who lived there... and that was a mistake. From then on, the story ceased to be a story, but rather a series of random, unacceptable events. This is how it ended, unfortunately. They were prepared for climbing that mountain, but I think not enough. They have bought one oxygen bottle for one human (believe me, that's a little for that long distance). I'm happy they didn't need to put them (just believe me, i could write about this 9 hours).
"Brawo Świat 3" (eng. "Applause World 3") is the only part of this series I could find. I do not remember anything from the previous parts and there is probability I do not own the rest of the series, because I simply haven't written them. When I'm reading a book, I'm skipping to the most interesting parts. I don't read everything. That's why I can read something mostly interesting in 3 hours, even if it has 400 pages. Maybe I just wrote the easiest part first, without neededing to create a backstory. It's not an alternative world, I don't know where the title came from.
The book starts with something I totally don't understand:
- Today I want to show you that underground fortress, but you've seen it 2 months ago - said the owner to me.
I don't know who's the owner. I don't understand the response too. I responded "yes". That's a moment for a sidenote: the narrator was first-person. I wrote it like it already happened and I was writing a book based of my previous experiences.
Next, I started preparing myself for the trip. I asked the board (this board made from wood or something, do you, dear English people, really need context to distinguish words?) to make from the house a flying machine (that's the best description). This board was magical, it could make wishes a reality. Infinity times. I and my family got an energy generator and of course the engines. There was no vertical speed, air speed, ground speed, artifical horizon. There was nothing. This wasn't a plane. If I was about to write this book today, I'll add Primary Flight Computer, GPS system, ECAM featuring overspeed and stall alarms and every single thing that exists in modern airplanes. But at the time the simplicity was a thing.
Then, the TV came and started asking every single question that comed to their mind. But my dad refused to say anything. Finally, we powered on the engines. The first thing i asked the board now was... you guessed it right - I wished for internet to work. And here comes the thing: another TV came... Recall something... The engines were on. We were flying... It was an error in my book. Or maybe not. "I pressed the start button". Okay, but how the fuck did I powered the engines on before?
I asked the board for a younger brother. My parents were at the balcony at the moment. Then came the funny part:
Mom: I'm in labor
Me: What's that?
Dad: Mom feels contractions
Me: But that doesn't mean anything yet
Mom: Hey, what's sticking out of my butt?
Dad: Some kid
Me: But I'm not there
Mom: So I'm in labor
Me: Exactly
Dad: Give birth to him finally
And Mom gave birth to himTranslated to English
We gave him a name - Kamil. We have seen a lot of things from the bird's perspective. We have seen a forest, we have seen plants. And then the question finally came to the Mum's mind:
- How are we traveling?
- Well... this board
- Which board?
[...]
- I'm telling you a little secret. This board is magical. I can do whatever I want with the world with it.
- Ok.
I then wanted Kamil to start talking. So I asked the board. He wanted to go to bed. Then we were talking with the grandma. She told us that our little brother will be on the Gusiness World Records list. Then came the boring part. The book ended with "I want cat", "I hate cats" drama. Not gonna lie, one of the funniest writings I did so far.